This is a mix of self-pity and ranting. You’ve been warned.

I think the cosmos is against me this week.

Reason 1: The main water pipe is broken. Past the shut off, which is the place where the city takes responsibility. In Utah, the shut off is really close to the house if not in the basement. Here, it’s in the front yard, right next to the street and sidewalk. Insurance refuses to cover anything that is not directly on the foundation of the house.

What does this mean? The yard is “no man’s land.”  Anything in there is NOT covered by anything, anyone, but us.  awesome. So we have a plumber who should be here any minute… which would be lovely, since we had to turn the water off for the past 3 days meaning no incoming water for dishes, laundry, and bathroom necessities. Thanks Cosmos. It’s not like I want to shower any time soon anyways.

Reason 2: 7th grade writing assessment. TAKS- Texas Assessment of Knowledge and Skills. This means that we are required to stare at students as they take a writing test and write a composition to a lame and vague prompt like “Write a composition about a time when you were brave.”  Teachers have to watch them. No reading a book, no lesson planning, no drawing. Just have to walk around the room and make sure the kids don’t cheat. When the kids are done, they can either read a book (but not a magazine/newspaper) or sleep. Most students take a couple hours. In my classroom, students were testing from 9:00-3:00.

For those of you who don’t want to do the math, that’s SIX hours of me doing NOTHING. And trying to keep the kids who DID finish quiet, because you know, most kids don’t like to sit and read a book for 3 hours straight after 3 hours of testing. OY. Big headache there.

Reason 3: I applied for a summer writing program for teachers. I filled out a several page application and even spent an evening down at the university campus for an interview. Didn’t get accepted. Got the generic “sorry” email: “We’ve made our decisions about who will make up this year’s cohort for the summer institute at the Heart of Texas Writing Project, and unfortunately, this particular year, you haven’t been selected.  Our decisions, for the most part, are strategic and meant to advance the project’s goals in particular educational settings.  Many of our decisions were made in the interest of serving high-need schools and students, because that kind of work is a priority for our project at present.”

Awesome.

Reason 4: Teaching middle school can really suck. Today was one of the days I just want to throw down the towel and quit. I love most of my students, but in this one particular class, there are a couple of kids who just are pills. And they ruin the class for me, for their peers, and really, for themselves. Today was just bad with a couple of them… I cried my whole 35 minute drive home because I am FRUSTRATED.

Reason 5: District transfers. A new middle school is about to open up and it will affect my school the most. Some teachers are going to have to move to it. I have been considering transferring to a school closer to home, as a 40 minute drive one way doesn’t really work well for me. However, this new school wouldn’t be any better timewise for me, and most of us are afraid to put in for ANY sort of transfer now because that would be like volunteering to go to this new school. So now I don’t know what to do with that; hold out at the school I’m at for another year, try for a closer middle school, or try for my dream of high school that I so desperately miss teaching…

So, this is one of those posts where I really cannot make light of some of these things, because each of them is like a solid punch to the gut, leaving me wondering why I am so inadequate and unhappy and if there is anything I could reasonably change to do it.  Am I just a lousy teacher? Is the universe just trying to make me feel like a big, fat failure?

Today’s just one of those days I really don’t know. I just… don’t know.